Tantrums! How to best manage and avoid!
Ahhhhh! Yes it’s part and parcel for children to have tantrums it’s just the communication issues of not knowing what is going on and they cannot express to you what they are confused about. So it’s yup, a guessing game.... so not! It’s vital to release your pain or frustration of your child’s/children’s what seems like anger.
So here are a few pointers to engaging with your kiddies when they’re having a meltdown at home or out in the supermarket or wherever! It is a cure all, but you have to do this calmly, practice this several times and you will soon have the hang of this.
First of all calm yourself down! Yup don’t feel frustrated, one way to achieve that is to use the ‘garage door’ technique, this is the way to understand the situation to take action calmly. So the little one is having an all out crying and shouting session: imagine a big thick imaginary garage door securely blocks the emotional outpouring and you are then able to see the bigger picture and calms you down. So then it’s key to calm the boy/girl and the way to do that is:
Look into their eyes, calmly instruct them in a low calm tone to look at you, if you have to request that from them again, do so calmly and not with any kind of scepticism it’s vital to own your own self so that you can command (not beg, not ask and ask, not angrily, not resignedly because your child is somehow different). Once you have the eye contact:
Instruct them to take a nice deep breath in with you, then a nice breathing out and another breath in and breathing out (sometimes it takes twice, but don’t go over three times). They should have a nice release of tensions, they don’t know what they are upset about, sometimes more often than not it’s because the question you have asked them they just don’t understand. While you have a moment ask them “Do you feel better?” The main thing is that more than likely they have no idea what upset them. Just help them learn by making your life easier, so now the garage door is released back and you have a true connection.
Always say now give me a hug and a kiss and we can now get on. If they are wanting food or drink you have given them a nice opportunity to let you know what you can help them with. Be patient. Sometimes it’s very clearly an issue that you asked them something or they are confused about what has been said to them or the situation brought them into something they need to be told how to be and do. Lead by example at all times. And always see this as a learning not a “oh here we go again” moment, they are learning all the time, yes you have to keep repeating yourself and you may feel a mini-tantrum inside your mind but this is an opportunity to truly bond with your tweeny.
Always review by yourself where you were when the meltdown happened and what you said to them, realise it’s as much your learning curve as it is theirs.
Well done and good luck mwah x