Questions and those moments! *Part Two Re: ‘attitude’
Here in Part Two I share with you how to respond and prevent grumpy retorts, it’s not as bad or as rude as you think!
Kiddies brains are more aware than you’d think! oh yes, they get it all from you! Be aware that whenever you speak or whisper your child can hear and will learn from that and your response to their trying out of grown up language delicatessen (even the gruesome stuff).
What you may see as a rebuff to your requests for information or action is often because it is confusing and they don’t know the answers, (they desperately want to give the correct answers) and they try speaking something they heard, which may or may not be the appropriate language or context that the question was aiming for.
So what is needed is a framework for them to map out their responses.
First and foremost ensure you are in charge and they know, not by ‘authority’ strictness or asking your child/ren an open question that hands the ‘power of decision making’ over to the child/ren. you can do this, by minding these four key points.
Framing a question so you have no issues with retorts or arguments or power struggles, begin with “I need you to do your maths homework now so get your pencils together” don’t pre-empt disaster or “the usual” because it is all up to you whether you either want to be right and have a needy child or you have a contented child doing what has to be done to please you, because it can work that way, yes, yes you can!
Whatever you do do not hand the option to them by phrasing it as “you need to do your maths homework now” because that is like handing over the important focus on them pleasing you to get rid of your feeling awkward asking them to do something because you don’t usually ask people or instruct people to do something for you but this will work.
The power is from you, in whatever relation you are to babysitting or parenting you will find this is a game changer where the child/ren have far more respect for you as they want to please you.
If you do have a retort, you hold their gaze and shake your head, and say “I want you to do this now and I am counting down from 5 now for you to get sat in your chair ready to start: five, four, three, two, one” and I actually have to say it does work but you do have to have a neutral voice not a pleading one! no chance for weak posture and vocal range!
There is something joyful about a happy child and a good natured family moment. Photograph by Anita Kay Wright