Beady Eyes and Troubled Cries! *how to create joy in outdoor places

Taking them to as many places that are not play areas as much as possible so they gain confidence and joy in these places.

Gracie and I would go to coffee shops, I learned which coffee shops were more empathetic to families than others and she would lap up her time in these cafes, not once did she have a meltdown with me, always so very interested and had openness to have fun. 

The key thing to remember is that children learn so much about life through play, the way in which we lead our children be they nieces, cousins, grandchildren the brilliant thing is learning how they learn. It’s empowering to you as much as it is with them. 

One vital moment that sticks in my mind was after our adventures in the galleries I would always make sure she had good nutritious food to eat and I would take her to eat as a toddler, I would say to her “Gracie having sandwich and crisps, and Auntie LaLa is too” so I tell her what is happening and as youngsters get older obviously they are able to define what they like or don’t like but as long as there is structure to the lunchtime the better.

There was one time she had been asleep, so I dared to wake her, and I kept calm knowing anyone’s sleep being disturbed would be very irritating to the person being awoken. Some advice from social services is to “ignore the child, walk away” how rude, even if they’re just tired and want to do something else, how could any responsible adult/parent/guardian ever think that walking away from their child would help? It’s an old fashioned learning that ‘if you let the child know that if they are in any distress or upset no one cares and they will learn to not ask for help.’ What a cruel thing to do. 

If you are afraid of the children’s cries, all you have to do is be kind and assertive it’s important to not see it as uncomfortable, it’s a natural expression of confusion, tiredness or some kind of misunderstanding which we all feel sometimes. Don’t over complicate it, step into a mode of what the overall situation is, highlight actions needed to be taken to say to them “Look into my eyes, take a nice deep breath in with me, and again, do you feel better? Okay, we are here in a shop and I need you to do ‘this and this’ (no more than two things) and then we can go get fresh air” it always helps to have a hug and a kiss, because they have expressed their need for help, and by guiding them they learn to express themselves better and that’s what we all want, yes? 

This technique can be used in the home too, just guide them, be the leader not ‘the one in charge’ because that last issue of ‘being in charge’ won’t help you, or them and saying “Terrible twos” or “oh he/she is always like this” only adds to your struggles, so do yourself and the children a kindness not ‘weakness’ is vital.